


The Dark Between Stars

by charlies_not_here



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Eating Disorders, F/M, Hurt Peter Parker, Iron-Dad, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sleep Deprivation, Stars, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Whump, iron-mom, pepper potts is also peter and tony's mom, pepper potts is my mom, spiderman whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 01:43:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15474729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlies_not_here/pseuds/charlies_not_here
Summary: "So it's gonna be like this forever? There's no cure? Or something?" He could feel the hopelessness creeping into his throat, choking him up.-Peter has been struggling after the events of Infinity War, so Tony and Pepper help him out.





	The Dark Between Stars

  


Peter doesn't tell anyone how hard it is to look up at the night sky. 

How the sky seems heavy and foreboding. It makes him think of spaceships. Of death and destruction. Of the dust in his mouth after his body painfully re-knitted itself back together.

When Peter looks up at the glimmering stars, he feels hopeless.

_. . . Mr. Stark?_

So he asks May to buy some curtains for his room and keeps them shut tight as he lays awake at night, remembering his hands turn to dust.

_I don't feel so good. . ._

He has yet to put the suit back on. His homemade suit sits on his desk and he stares at it, mind racing the clock, until the sun forces the stars to fade.

_I don't know what's happening._

When Ned is excited about taking astronomy their senior year because 'You were _there_ , don't you wanna know _more_?' Peter just shakes his head and clenches numb hands beneath his sweater. He doesn't want to know more. He doesn't want to remember.

_I-I d-don't know-_

Tony invites him to the compound for the kick-start party for _Stark Industries'_ release of a medical line with Bruce Banner.

Peter thinks about refusing the offer, but it's been a couple weeks since he's seen Tony, and even just hearing the man's voice over the phone gives him a sense of relief from his hundred-mile-an-hour thoughts. After Peter agrees Tony throws in a quick:

"You doing alright, kid?"

"Yeah," Peter's lie sticks thickly in his throat, "I'm good."

_I don't wanna go-_

When he gets to the compound his anxiety flares up as he shuffles through the entertainment room- scientists and big names and blurred faces talking and laughing around him, bodies warm and stifling.

He pushes through the main throng to where the party-goers thin out.

But he stops in his tracks, breath catching in his throat as he stares wide-eyed at the giant window taking up the wall before him. The night sky is dancing with stars, twinkling mockingly, the unknown darkness between calling his name like a sick siren song.

_. . . Please . . ._

His hands shake and he clenches them painfully tight as he tries to tear his eyes away, the oxygen filling his lungs suddenly too thin.

A gentle hand wrapped around his tense bicep and he tears his eyes away to see Pepper smiling softly at him.

"Hi, Pete. How are you doing?" She asks over the din, pulling him in for a quick hug. She smells like vanilla to his oversensitive senses. He returns the hug and she pulls away, (he immediately misses the warmth), she studies his face, a look of concern quickly erasing the smile.

"Hey, you okay? What's wrong?"

"I just. . ." Peter regards the worry in her eyes with hesitation, he hasn't even told May how hard it's been these last couple weeks, "I didn't get much sleep last night."

He's surprised at the understanding in her gaze. He adjusts his hoodie awkwardly and looks down, ignoring the window in his peripheral.

"Is Mr. Stark here?"

"I was with him a few minutes ago. He should be around somewhere. Do you need anything? An Advil or water or something?"

 _. . . Please Mr. Stark, I don't wanna go . . ._     


Peter forced a smile and shook his head, "I'm good. I'm just going to get some food or something," after a second's hesitation he adds, "Would you mind joining me?"

In truth Peter wasn't hungry at all. He asked partly because he needed to get as far from the window as possible, and partly because he felt misplaced in this loud crowd and Pepper was a soothing anchor. But as soon as the words left his mouth he felt his face heat up with embarrassment. Pepper was probably busy. She was one of the hosts, after all.

"Absolutely!" She slipped her arm through his and started leading him back through the crowd, deeper into the room. He kept his head down even as she greeted people in passing, all his focus on keeping his body and breathing relaxed.

"Alright. We have sushi, imported cheeses and desserts, drinks- which you can't have- veggie wraps . . . all sorts of things," Pepper slipped her arm free and gestured at the incredibly long table stacked high with modern-set food. Even the toothpicks looked expensive.

His stomach ached, but he felt too sick to eat anything.

"Thanks," he poured a glass of juice and nibbled halfheartedly on a square of cheesecake.

Pepper frowned at him, no doubt taking in the deep purple bags beneath his eyes and pale complexion. He'd tried his best to ignore it, but days upon days of no sleep and eating only when May forced him had taken a toll on his appearance.

He could feel himself slowly wasting away. He tried to ignore it. Because accepting it meant accepting what had happened. Accepting that he was different. Changed.

"Peter I think-"

Pepper's worried observation was interrupted when Tony suddenly clasped a hand on Peter's shoulder, a kind smile on his face. 

"Heya Pete. What took you so long? This party was getting boring without you."

"Hey Mr. Stark. Thanks for inviting me," Peter didn't meet the man's eyes, instead placing the half eaten square on the table and shoving his hands in his pockets. 

Now that he was here, he didn't know what to do. There was nothing to talk about. He hadn't been wearing the suit, so no upgrades. School was cancelled until next month due to the world ending not three weeks ago. And he definitely wasn't ready to talk about what happened on Titan. 

So now that he was here, he had no idea why he'd even bothered. 

"Kid, you don't look so hot," Tony shifted closer, ducking to meet Peter's gaze. 

Peter looked up tiredly and as soon as he met the man's eyes he felt pent-up exhaustion wash over him like a tidal wave. The tension in his muscles dissolved so quickly, the couple stepped forward in alarm at the way he slumped into himself, leaning against the table. 

"Peter!"

"Kid what's wrong?" Tony demanded in alarm. 

"I just . . . I don't know. I don't know I don't know . . ." He started and couldn't stop, barely registering the wetness on his cheeks.

Tony gripped his shoulder and steered him into a nearby hall and into an elevator, Pepper following closely. 

"Friday take us to the living quarters," she said. 

Tony leaned Peter against the elevator wall and put a warm hand against his forehead.

"Peter, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Peter kept his eyes clenched shut, shaking his head. He couldn't stop the tears. He tried _so hard_ to make himself stop. He kept slowly shaking his head until the elevator doors opened and Tony lead him down the hall into the kitchen, sitting him down on a stool between the hovering couple. 

"Peter, you have to tell us what's wrong."

"Pete . . ."

Peter wiped furiously at his eyes, muscles shaking and mind exhausted. 

"I'm just . . . having a hard time. I guess," he mumbled, voice unsteady.

Suddenly a manicured hand was thrusting several pills in front of his vision and he reached out, swallowing them down an aching throat before Pepper could even find a glass of water. 

He knew he should feel embarrassed that he was crying in front of Tony Fucking Stark and Pepper Fucking Potts- his old self probably would have tried to jump out a window- but he was too tired to care, now. 

He snuck a glance at Tony and was surprised to see a similar exhaustion lining the man's face.

 A realization hit Peter like a bag of bricks: Tony was the one who lost everyone  up there. He was the one who held Peter as he'd turned to ashes. Held that responsibility until he was resurrected. Watched the entire universe dissolve without any way to stop it. This whole thing was probably so much more stressful for him. 

 Peter suddenly felt like he was overreacting. He wrapped shaking arms around his thin torso, shame heating the back of his neck and ears. He refused to look either in the eye. 

"I'm sorry. I d-don't know why I'm acting like this, " he took a  deep breath, trying and failing to ignore the exhaustion in his bones. 

Pepper rubbed a soothing hand across his aching shoulders, looking at Tony with heavy eyes. 

"You don't have to be sorry. What happened? Was it all the people? Anxiety? You said you weren't sleeping well?" She prodded. 

"You're not sleeping?" Tony looked at him sharply, taking in the boy's pale face and thin frame, "Why didn't you tell us? Bruce could have whipped something up for you."

"I don't need it. I'm fine. I take meds sometimes . . . when it gets . . . bad," Peter didn't tell them that when he did it only lasted an hour, and they made him dream, "I think it was the window."

Pepper stopped rubbing but kept her hand planted between his shoulder blades- a solid weight keeping him from slipping away to the darkness between the stars.

"The window?"

Tony looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Not- not the window. Just . . . the sky, I guess," Peter struggled to find a way to explain himself without sounding lame. 

Tony leaned back and shared a look with Pepper. He looked older than he ever had, the circles under his eyes and grey hairs along his scalp more prominent than ever.

"Kid, I kind of get where you're coming from."

Peter sniffed, leaning back against the counter and Pepper's hand, "You do?"

"Yeah," Now _Tony_ sounded unsteady, "Remember New York? When I flew into the wormhole?"

Peter nodded tiredly. Mr. Stark had apparently died and come back to life- according to the news and his family.

"Well since then I've had what they call PTSD. It got . . . bad. To say the least. Nightmares and countless days without sleeping and _drinking-_ I could go on."

Peter regarded his mentor's distant dark eyes, "Did it ever get better?"

Tony sighed, leaning on hip against the counter and folding his arms, "I like to think it has. But honestly, I'm so messed up it's hard to tell anymore."

Peter sagged and Pepper ruffled her hand through his curls, hugging his head close to her side. 

_I'm sorry._

"So it's gonna be like this forever? There's no cure or something?" He could feel the hopelessness creeping into his throat, choking him up. 

"There's no cure that I know of. But you can distract yourself. Make yourself useful. Be as healthy as you can be for those who love you," Tony grunted, "even if you don't want it."

Peter rolled the words over in his drifting mind, a clarity shooting through the haze. Taking care of people- of those he loved- _that_ he could do. That's something he understood better than most things. That was what made Spiderman a hero. He was Peter Parker. Spiderman. Changed. But the same. This, this _purpose_ , was the same. 

He could do it.

 He _had_ to do it. 

Life couldn't just stop here.

With the realization came a relief that seeped into his aching muscles like a salve. 

"Do you mind if I spend the night?" He asked uncertainly. 

Pepper stepped back, next to Tony, "Of course. Your room is down the hall, just tell Friday if you need anything, Alright?"

"Thanks. Thank you," Peter mumbled. He got up on shaky legs but before he could step away, Tony wrapped him in a tight hug, stepping back before Peter could comprehend it with his sluggish mind. 

"I'm always willing to help, kid. You just have to talk to me."

"Thanks, Mr. Stark."

Peter smiled at the two and shuffled to his room, barely getting both shoes off before collapsing on the fluffy bed, out cold in seconds. 

He didn't dream that night. 

**Author's Note:**

> Promise I'm working on Broken Crown!!I've been super busy and sleep deprivation was a topic I can relate to so I was hit with the Ugly Inspiration Baseball Bat today. I just started my senior year of HS this week, and I finished my AP Studio Art summer art projects (if you wanna check my art out on insta my username is: carly_m_r ) :D  
> edit: the title of the work is based off of my favorite poet's book : "The dark Between Stars" (I actually accidently named it this, as I realized the phrase was really familiar to me after posting this work so I looked it up to find out what else it was used for, and my subconscious works a lot harder than I do bc It remembered long before my conscious thoughts did.) (


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